Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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