I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
