Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
