i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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