Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
