Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
