went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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