the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i came on her dog
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize