At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
