in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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