eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
