Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You just made me feel so damn special
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize