Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
