If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
