my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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