my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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