I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
