Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I love having hate sex.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
