I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize