Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
