who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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