we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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