I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
