I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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