At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
