i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
