Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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