Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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