Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
