Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
