I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
