You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
