i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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