I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
