I want to make a zoo with you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
