so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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