I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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