We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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