His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
