Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
