I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
