if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize