1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
