I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
