strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
