I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
