I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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