Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
