Soap is not a condiment
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
