Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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