Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
