it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
