well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
