Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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