I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
