So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
