just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
