so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
