Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
