I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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