I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
