Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
