I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize