Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
