I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
