why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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