btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
