He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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