I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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