areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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