somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
