you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
why do cheetos always look like penises
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We talked him into tasing himself.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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