Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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