considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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