she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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