Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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