This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
