haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
