North Korea, Best Korea!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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