not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
