I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
