his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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