life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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