well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
